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Joke of the Day

"What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? Cunt!"

"Whenever I'm feeling really tired, I just watch the new Star Wars trailer... Because The Force Awakens me"

"astrology then: I seek the meaning of human life in the stars. astrology now: If Capricorns Were A Type Of Noodle, They Would Be Rigatoni."

"""making decisions"" Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions? . Student: Well...yes and no."

"DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]"

"I went to a party with a group of pacifists the other night. It was pretty killer."

"What did the overweight woman say to Buffalo Bill when she woke up? I can't feel my face when I'm with you..."

"How do you know all chickens are gold-digging size queens? All day long they're talking about ""buck, buck, big cock!"""

"If the Army has chaplains, what does the Navy have? Ship monks."

"I bought some Bose stocks today. It was a sound investment."