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Joke of the Day

"well, i guess this was bound to happen. i left the pot and the kettle on the stove overnight and the pot committed a hate crime."

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" means basically the same thing... ...except at a funeral. Edit:Thank you Demitri Martian for the joke"

"My grandfather died peacefully and in his sleep but the kids on his bus were screaming."

"How can you tell when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth."

"I hear your not supposed to refer to police as policemen or women anymore. Something about it not being the PC term."

"My therapist says I need to overcome ""shame-based"" thinking but if it wasn't for shame I don't think I'd get a damn thing done around here."

"I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something."

"What did the student say to his math teacher after his dog ate part of his homework? I got 99 problems, but a bitch ate one."

"Yesterday my friend said he was scoring all of these bitches! It turned out he was just walking 15 pitbulls! Lame..."

"What do a gay man having sex and a pom pom have in common? They're both poofs on the end of a stick."