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Joke of the Day

"BBC:when a women is attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal That explains why every woman I talk to sounds like Batman"

"Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry"

"What's a neckbeard's favourite disease? M'laria."

"[at the gym] Trainer: ""Why don't you tell me what your workout goals are."" Me: ""Goals? I'm just here so I don't eat for an hour."""

"""I don't want to make a spectacle..."" Eye glass manufacturers last day on the job."

"How do you make the Wicked Witch of the West kill herself? Challenge her to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge."

"What is Jesus's favorite gun? A nail gun."

"Almost yelled ""F.U."" at another driver, but the kid was in the car. So I yelled, ""I'm dedicated to customer service."" Just like airlines do."

"Looking for a book club where you have to discuss the same one every week? Try organized religion!"

"I've stood up for black people plenty of times... Not worth getting shot over a seat on the subway."