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Joke of the Day

"""If you woke up with Vaseline up your butt would you tell anybody?"" ""Um No"" ""Wanna go camping?"""

"""I love Justin Bieber"" well I love McDonalds but you dont see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget, do you?"

"What language does a flight attendant speak? Plane English."

"4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch!"

"I dont know if anyone else remember this joke - How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen consume? - Enough to kill two and a half men."

"When talking to your kids about the ""birds and the bees"", don't forget the part about how the bird can't feel shit when he wears a condom."

"What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously? Silly-con!"

"Twitter is going to get very dark when we all get older and are still tweeting from our Alzheimer and dementia riddled brains."

"When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was."

"Chuck Norris is considered to be high-class Norristocrat."