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Joke of the Day

"If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you."

"I don't take my shirts to the dry cleaners. If I want to look sharp, I pay the iron price."

"My wife put on her panty hose backward... So I chewed her ass out."

"My church was going to have a sermon on prophecy today... but it was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."

"There you go again, overusing big words like some kind of tweeting sesquipedalian. Idiot."

"Ops mom Wait... shit."

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"Geppetto: I wish you were a real boy Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around* Geppetto: yay! [3 hrs later] Geppetto: This was a mistake"

"CUTE GIRL: [motioning to my dog] is he yours? ME: no, he's adopted"

"what is the cleanest bar in the world... The soap bar."