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Joke of the Day

"How do cows multiply? With cowculators!"

"I was going to major in cosmetology.. ..but then they shut down the space program.. idiots."

"Two women were driving on the highway when the traffic rapport broadcast said there was a car driving in the opposite direction. ""One? There are hundreds of them"""

"What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning? She puts her clothes back on and goes home."

"I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil all over my chest."

"You've got 99 problems huh? Boo-Hoo. I have a mortgage and a shitty job. Now go fuck Beyonce in a $300,000 car."

"Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war."

"Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, ""what kinda robot does that one turn into?"""

"Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon"