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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell a racist joke without getting in trouble? Write it down."

"The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?"

"Me: excuse me waitress, I ordered this filet medium-rare and it's clearly a peanut butter and jelly Wife: did you just call me ""waitress""?"

"[gets pulled over] cop: ""sir, do you know how fast you were going?"" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: ""answer the man"""

"What has nine arms and sucks? Your mom on Def Leppard's tour bus."

"I think some of you freaks have been spanked more as adults than you were as children."

"You guys stole those words from the dictionary."

"My Fairy God-Mother once offered me the choice of a longer penis or a better memory I can't remember what I chose"

"""Now?"" ""Not yet."" ""Now?"" ""Not quite."" *Car approaches* ""Now?"" ""Now."" -Deer crossing the road"

"How do really posh dogs send messages? By predigree-mail."