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Joke of the Day

"My friends laughed at me when I said ""No homo."" Now I have to find some other way to scold my boyfriend."

"I'm far too cute to only have one ex-husband."

"To screw in a light bulb, how many Yodas does it take?"

"Bill Clinton right now, texting Monica Lewinsky ""You up?"""

"Say what you will about terrorists, but those guys really know how to paint the town red."

"[FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: ""And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a"

"*leans into microphone* My question is for Salt-N-Pepa. ""Hi"" ""Hey"" Hi.""Push It"" is about takin a dump, right? ""No"" ""Nope"" *hands friend $5*"

"Hair Stylist: What are we doing today? Me: Let's do something that will look great here but I'll have no chance of replicating at home"

"What do you call Miley Cyrus with a gun? A shooting star"

"I once told a woman I could give her twelve inches. I just needed to make four three inch installments."