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Joke of the Day

"Two fish in a tank. One says to the other... ""how do you drive this thing?"""

"I got a papercut writing my suicide note. It's a start. -Steven Wright"

"What did the Mexican fireman name his children? Jose and Hose B"

"OH SHIT! I just ran over an emo kid! Quick! How do you tell if theyre dead on the outside, too?!"

"What do you call a deer that has no eyes? I got no-eye deer !"

"My towel is now in two pieces, rip. Rip, your parents' condom XD"

"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.... I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now."

"So as a society we will forever argue and debate over religion and political beliefs yet we freely accept that Mr. Rogers can speak trolley?"

"I gave my friend an elephant. It was standing in his living room. He said, ""Thanks for the elephant"". I said, ""Don't mention it""."

"A woman was looking in the mirror... And she says to her husband ""I look fat. Give me a compliment."" The husband replies "" Your vision is perfect."""