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Joke of the Day

"So, my feminist cousin is diabetic and recently, her legs were amputated... ...safe to say, she won't be jumping to conclusions anytime soon."

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"Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle.. Now I just smell like shit"
"We were so much better at drinking and driving in the 80aTMs. You kids today really fucked it up."
"What is the worst way to spell Mississippi? Correctly."
"Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once."
"What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy"
"My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything."
"Two old men sitting on a porch... There is a dog licking himself in the front yard. One old man says to the other, ""Man, I wish I could do that."" The other replies, ""That dog would bite you."""
"What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters? A Kylo Ren Book"
"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts."