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Joke of the Day

"It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living."

"I never get tired of my old Tweets getting RT'd so I know musicians never get tired of hearing their songs being played on the radio."

"What food do vampires hate? Steaks."

"I've been pro-immigration but if one more Mexican restaurant tries to charge me for chips and salsa, the deal's fucking off. Comprende?"

"I tell all the girls I chat to that I last ages in bed. It sounds better than telling them I'm on the dole, and don't get up until lunchtime."

"[Destiny] Where do Year 1 Guardians buy their clothes? Twilight Gap *badum tsss*"

"My friend just had a baby. He ordered it online from the Taiwanese black market."

"Teenage Mutant African Mammals Lionardo Giraffael Rhinotello Michelantelope"

"Ways Ryan Gosling and I are similar: 1. Up to date on our vaccinations 2. I dunno, that's probably it and I'm not sure about that first one."

"woke this morning with a thin white thread hanging from my mouth Hoped for a teabag"