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Joke of the Day

"I love the smell of relapse in the morning"

"Amy Schumer's track record for great comedy is at an all time career high right now. Hope it doesn't end in a **Trainwreck**"

"[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU"

"Two deer walk out of a bar... One deer says to the other, ""man I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there"

"Gravity 0/5: Worst Space Jam sequel ever. Literally no basketball."

"Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new 'I walked to school in the snow without shoes'"

"my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta."

"I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish. She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra."

"Did you hear about the beaver who went to the bar but forgot his wallet because he'd just shape-shifted from another water mammal? He says to the bartender ""I must've left it in my otter pants."""

"What's Mr. Ts chain made out of? Fools gold"