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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists? The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts."

"Knock Knock Who's there ... Fuck You"

"I have an outstanding warrant for loitering. *I don't know why my brain thought this was the funniest joke to replay during my sleep this morning but it made me wake up giggling."

"My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, ""welcome to idiom club"". Now, let's cut to the chase."

"What is the difference between a dead hooker and a brick? I don't have a brick floating in my pool."

"A farmer counted up all of his cows and found that he had 196 of them But when he rounded them up he had 200"

"Fred has 3 red balls and 5 blue balls in a bag. How many balls does Fred have? 10."

"How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house? Just pay for your pizza."

"A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, ""Bartender, how much do I owe you?"" The bartender replies, ""For you, neutron, no charge."""

"[mugger trying to snatch Elsa's purse] Elsa: HEY LET IT GO! Mugger: OMG sing the rest"