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Joke of the Day

"I once stole a simile I made out like a bandit"

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"What's the difference between a jeep and a rental car? A rental car can go anywhere"
"I'm a responsible person. People are always saying ""I know you're responsible for this."""
"What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS? RICE-IS"
"""I'm very sorry, but you will die soon"", said the doctor ""How soon?"", the frail man asked, his body trembling at every word. ""In ten."" ""Ten what? Ten years? Ten-"" ""Nine."" ""Eight."""
"What's a nanny's favorite letter? I don't know, but it's not E."
"What lights up a football pitch at night? A football match......."
"How many pirates does it take to screw in a lightbulb in China? "
"How did Micro-soft get it's name? Because Bill Gates has a 3.5 inch floppy"
"Relationships are like yard sales.... They look like fun from a couple yards away, but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need."