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Joke of the Day

"When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb"

"What happened to the lost cattle? Nobody's herd."

"It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs Because they always take things literally."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it's free range bitch!"

"I'm waiting for the next generation iPad to come out. Y'know, one more compact, about the size of my iPhone. Wait."

"*gives joke answer to daughter's 75th consecutive question* [20 years later, she's in an office] ""Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973"""

"Crazy Ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates They will kill your dog"

"There are two types of girls; girls who are fat and girls who think they are fat."

"If I'm going to be this awake at 2:30 in the morning, I might as well go guard a factory or something."

"What's Beethoven's favorite fruit? Elton John."