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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: What do you think you're doing driving through that intersection fifty miles an hour? Driver: My brakes don't work so I was rushing home before I had an accident."

"Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich hot and can keep you up all night."

"I broke my arm in a couple places; know what the doctor said? ""Stay out of those places!"""

"What did the manager of the frankenstein museum say? I'VE CURATED A MONSTER!"

"It's hard to tell a joke to Thieves... They always take things, literally."

"I got arrested today for not opening the door for my neighbour.... Apparently it's illegal to keep him locked inside my house"

"Being Santa sounds easy... (NSFW) I've got plenty of experience emptying my sack into socks."

"When Jesus makes tea. Hebrews."

"[at interview] INTERVIEWER: Who inspires you? ME: Peter Piper. INTERVIEWER: What does he do? ME: It's difficult to say."

"4 y/o: What's your job? Me: I stay at home, take care of you, clean, cook the food... 4: That sounds boring. Do you want me to fire you?"