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Joke of the Day

"Don't play the game where you listen to Mellencamp's ""Small Town"" and drink every time he says ""small town"". I just woke up in a dumpster."

"Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves."

"you met the short guy who came out of the cupboard? that was a low blow"

"Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent"

"What do girlfriends and ass hairs have in common? They never let shit go."

"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture."

"20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar."

"It takes a big man to cry but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

"Which tornadoes are the most refreshing? F5 tornadoes."

"*cutting the sleeves off a snuggie and calling it a thuggie*"