180428

Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to milk a sheep? Ask Apple."

"The worst part about working with a bunch of dicks... ...is they tend to rub off on you."

"Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] ""You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes..."" Me: ""Umm, it's 'fish'."" M: ""This. This is why."""

"I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa. I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing."

"What do you call transgender Hershey's chocolate? Himshey's chocolate..."

"When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead edit: woohoo #1"

"I'm sick and tired of hearing Jew jokes! Anne Frankly, none of them are even that good."

"My girlfriend says she's going to leave me because I have a gambling problem But I think she's bluffing."

"Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children's home so I just chucked him a few kids"

"37yo husband just bought himself clothes from Hollister. Please keep my family in your thoughts during this difficult time."