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Joke of the Day

"I just met my 4 day old nephew yesterday, and today he acts like he doesn't even know me. Kids are assholes."

"I have an EpiPen I'll use it as a weapon to fend off the repost haters."

"Thank you, U.S. Senate. I've been asking and telling people things all day!"

"A Dad's Advice A dad is giving his son some advice one day. The dad says, ""Son, don't masturbate too much or you'll go blind."" The son replies, ""Dad, I'm over here."""

"What do 9 out of 10 people call a good time? Gang rape."

"I got you a paracetamol, I said ""I got you a paracetamol"", I said. ""But I don't have a headache"", she replied. ""Good, then let's fuck""."

"During the bank robbery, I was the one who heroically soiled himself & cried in order to incapacitate the robbers with laughter"

"What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? If we stick together we can stop this crap!"

"Why don't you ask about the home life of a filing cabinet? It's usually a sorted affair."

"I'm biased: I have four buttocks."