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Joke of the Day

"I run and I run and I run and I run but I don't go anywhere. What am I? A third-party candidate in the U.S."

"I walked into a family bathroom today at the movies... I identify as a family."

"""...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right."" -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet."

"I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]"

"Over the weekend, the new ""Godzilla"" movie came out. I don't know how Godzilla doesn't hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece."

"Judging by the covers, every issue of every comic book is the one where the main character dies."

"Battered women... ...sounds delicious. But that doesn't make it right!"

"I bet Billy Joel only needs to type in ""Cad"" before his phone's dictionary chimes in and recommends ""Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac."""

"If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just really hope they segregate us by genre."

"I have a dog named Hot-Dog. Isn't funny? hahahaha...."