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Joke of the Day

"A drug addict walks into a changing room.... he came out a changed man."

"When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?"

"A little boy says to his dad 'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?' And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'"

"Half the time, I just want to respond to an ELI5 thread with ""I'll tell you when you're older."""

"""Go left at the chopsticks in the road"" - Chinese directions"

"Me and a friend.. Walk into a pet store and the employee asks ""Anything that I can help you find?"" and then proceeded to kick us out. apparently dinner wasn't the right answer."

"i make a point never to repeat gossip... (pause) so listen the first time!"

"If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you."

"I am rubber, you are glue, that guy is ketchup, this is a terrible Halloween party."

"Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day."