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Joke of the Day
"I want to become a waiter so I can hear a lot of people say ""Ish reaahy ghuud."""
Next Joke
"*a tree branch bursts into a bank with a gun* ""THIS IS A STICK UP"" *everyone laughs* ""GUYS IM SERIOUS"" *more laughter* ""DAMN IT"" *leaves*"
"Me: Who's a good boy? Dog: I thought we settled this."
"Not to brag, but I know exactly what to do in a crisis. I'm really good at panicking. ^^^I ^^^panicked.. ^^^I ^^^meant ^^^to ^^^say ^^^Packing"
"Why did the snowman have his pants down? Because he heard the snowblower was coming."
"Whats the difference... Between a hormone and and enzyme? You cant hear an enzyme."
"My girlfriend is the best! My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out."
"*Getting murdered* omg I have the exact same knives"
"Fears: dying alone, getting horribly maimed or disfigured, people who stick their tongue out in photos"
"Daylight Saving Time starts this evening, turn your clocks forward and change smoke alarm batteries before going to bed tonight."