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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a boat. The boat sinks. Who survives? America."

"How do you know Google is a male? Because it knows everything."

"I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday... ...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack."

"Hear about the cross-eyed teacher? ... she just couldn't control her pupils."

"I slept like a baby last night... ...I woke up screaming because I had shat myself"

"what retail store does a cat go to when it loses it's tail? a retail sto- goddamn it I did it again"

"Sometimes I squirt mayonnaise across my breasts so I don't forget what it's like to have a boyfriend."

"I want cake, to get cake I must get dressed, to get dressed I have to get out of bed, to get out of bed I need cake."

"Damn girl, are you Daenerys Targaryen? Because that ass could take over the world. Haha don't know if this is used or not yet but I dreamt up this joke so enjoy."

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling ""I HAVE THE POWEEER!"" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan."