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Joke of the Day

"Almost had an accident due to texting while driving Barely hit send and some idiot slammed on his brakes! Luckily I only spilled my beer"

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"If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie."
"What do you call a homosexual, Russian, knight? Sir Gay (Serge)"
"Have you heard about Prince Oxygen? He is heir to the throne."
"If by ""flexible"" you mean ""can I get my foot behind my head?"" then yes, I am. If you mean ""can I get my foot back down?"" then no, I am not."
"How did the frog die? He kermitted suicide. I'm sorry"
"What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer"
"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two... just don't ask me how they got in there."
"Yo mama so ugly the bassilisk couldn't look her in the eye."
"I actually have a good Japanese joke. Anime'd it myself."