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Joke of the Day

"Almost had an accident due to texting while driving Barely hit send and some idiot slammed on his brakes! Luckily I only spilled my beer"

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"When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF? When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice."
"The other day I got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it, you know what I call that? I call that unfortunate."
"What's the best part of having sex with 25 year olds? There are twenty of them."
"Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics Interviewer: Could you give me an example? Me: Yes I could"
"I knew she was the one the moment she said those three words that took my breath away... ""THAT'S GONNA SMELL!"""
"The only B word you should be using to describe her is ""Beautiful."" Because bitches love being called ""beautiful."""
"Terrorist jokes are a good way to make karma They always blow up."
"""You killed a dude I hate your attitude That's why you're going to jail, Without bail 25 to life Bubba is your new wife."" -Poetic Justice"
"Ted: ""Dad, why don't I have a middle name?"" Dad: ""Actually son, Ted is your middle name. Your first name is Adop"""