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Joke of the Day

"What's the opposite of a basic Jew? A Hasidic Jew. (Thank you.. Thank you.. I'll be here all week..)"

"Last night I hooked up with Edward Snowden's sister. believe me, she's the REAL whistle blower."

"I like my cigarettes like my Instagram. \#nofilter Edit: learned formatting"

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes him cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"What flavor gum does a scientist prefer? Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke."

"I suffer bloating for years until I found this one secret supplement! ""rotten eggs"""

"BLONDE LUCK A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, ""Shut up! I'm winning."""

"Alien: we are here to enslave you Me: *not looking up from phone* huh? Alien: I SAID.. Me: *still not looking up* yeah I said I'll do it"

"So a prisoner took his own mug shot... He called it his ""cellfie""."

"Why are protein shakes such loners? They're whey isolate."