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Joke of the Day

"I'm breaking up with my girlfriend that uses Comic Sans... She's just not my type."

"Honesty is the best policy, unless you're trying to return something that you've already worn."

"Who teaches you how to fart? A tutor."

"Why shouldn't you use red, white, and blue paint in a watercolor? Because these colors don't run"

"How do you get a fat girl into your bed? Piece of cake..."

"What did the Italian say to his grandmother with alzheimer's? fugetaboutit!"

"Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame that they'll never meet..."

"What does a pirate with back spasms say? Shiver me lumbars."

"I was gonna make a joke about Alzheimers.. ..but I forgot what it was."

"I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?"