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Joke of the Day

"""You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?"" -Jesus"

"If a mime performs in the forest, and nobody is there to see him, it's all for the best."

"I lost my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"I hate people who don't finish"

"Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him."

"During your interview, try ending every sentence with ""dot jpg"". ""How would you say you handle job pressure?"" --Not a problem.jpg"

"I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'"

"What do you call a robbery of Italian ice cream? Grand Theft Gelato"

"""It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean."" But it takes much longer to get to England on a rowboat."

"Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!"