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Joke of the Day

"I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to ""let's practice your fingering technique"""

"4-year-old: Can we have Oreos for dinner? Me: Are you crazy? That'd be terrible for you. 4: Mom's not home. Me: *eats Oreos for dinner*"

"What's the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? The election year."

"The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones]"

"*crawls seductively across bed* *elbow gives out*"

"Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a ""Which Muppet Are You?"" quiz."

"I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest."

"Our carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping and waking me up from my nap."

"lucifer: let's give them free will and see how they choose God: nice lol I'm gunna steal your idea and send you to hell lucifer: what?"

"Key ring A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once."