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Joke of the Day
"I had a childhood friend who had a speech impediment Needless to say, I kick ass at Mad Gab"
Next Joke
"Wife's been away since thursday, we ran out of spaghetti-o's on friday, ate the dog yesterday, burned photo albums for heat today, pls help"
"Why shouldn't happy people hang out with crustaceans? They get crabby! Badum tsss."
"Why is Helen Kellers belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blind too."
"I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment."
"Did you hear they're making an Indiana Jones 5? How can they do that?! They haven't released a fourth!"
"Why did the anthropologist eat a lot of yogurt? So that he could understand culture."
"I texted my girlfriend ""I love you"" and she texted back ""I love you more. When I went to respond I made a typo and sent ""I love you moist""....I figured why correct it, it's true too."
"[undoes GFs bra first time] ""wow have you been practicing?"" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]"
"What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady? Darth Vader probably gets high fived"