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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar ""Ouch!"""

"Dad called me a cunt I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, ""you bastard, it's the thought that counts."" I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs"

"How did the sailor deal with the death of his friend? He sent out a message in remorse code."

"Life is like toilet paper You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, ""Did you forget your line?"""

"What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder? *Lettuce alone!*"

"How do you make a hormone? Kick her in the gut!"

"How do you know Jesus was Jewish? He lived at home until he was 30. He went into his fathers business. He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god."

"What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common? Either way someone's losing a trailer."

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."