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Joke of the Day

"Voltaire said ""To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."" ...so I guess my granddaddy was right when he said that retards run this country."

"The people doing it in pornos are in love, right?"

"For everyone that works in a restaurant, or uses shredded cheese, Don't vote for trump! He wants to make America grate again!"

"What makes for a great relationship but a shit gaming partner? Someone who goes down a lot."

"Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more? Because the sign says no tres-passing."

"Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key."

"Why did Rembrandt lose his house? Because he was *Baroque*."

"The UPS guy tried to tell me a joke but I just didn't get it... Left after Attempted Delivery"

"Why doesn't anyone die a virgin? Life fucks us all."

"Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you."