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Joke of the Day

"""I bumped into your wife yesterday"" ""Oh, where?"" ""You know the cafe opposite the S&M club?"" ""Yes"" ""Opposite that cafe"""

"I once ate a watch It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds."

"{Kid's bday party} Me: Where's the cake? Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes."

"I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. nnThe police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award."

"What do gays and republicans have in common? Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision."

"say a prayer for all the men who are forced to carry their girlfriends' purses"

"My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag."

"What's the difference between Here and There? When you're right the whole room shouts ""Here, here!"" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says ""There, there."""

"Sometimes when I'm sad, I'll go to the park and, from a distance, look thru my thumb and index finger and begin squishing people's heads..."

"What's a Yankee? It's a quickie....but you do it yourself"