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Joke of the Day

"""I bumped into your wife yesterday"" ""Oh, where?"" ""You know the cafe opposite the S&M club?"" ""Yes"" ""Opposite that cafe"""

"What do people with two left feet wear? Flip flips"

"When you have to deliver bad news, always lead with something worse: ""Honey, our cat died. Just kidding! But, I forgot to buy cat food."""

"I have a ""One dollar, one inch"" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch. You give me three dollars, you get it all."

"Why do stoners love couches? Because of their 'cush'ions!"

"If I were Brian Cranston every day I'd drive to Jiffy Lube & say ""I dunno it just seems to be braking bad!"" Then we would laugh & do meth."

"I always keep a hammer in my pocket in case someone asks me to help them fix something so I can immediately break my leg."

"I have the Quran on CD... People sure are getting upset when I said I burned it."

"Two Goldfish are in a tank and one says to the other, you drive, I'll fire the gun"

"How does Bono spell color? With or without ""u"""