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Joke of the Day
"Ever been so drunk that you cooked a pizza at 20 degrees for 350 minutes?"
Next Joke
"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, you go get it"
"If you've had your name called over the PA system at a grocery store, you're now famous enough to compete on Dancing with the Stars."
"finally found a way to refer to myself + dog in a way that's creepier than the mother/child dichotomy: FUR HUSBAND and SKIN WIFE"
"What do you call a nomadic neanderthal? A meanderthal."
"I hosted a debate between ""Safe Space"" advocates and critics The safe space advocates didn't show up and called for my resignation."
"I'm at my most spiderman when using a public restroom"
"He's Trump, he's Trump, he's Trump, he's a little square. He's Trump, he's Trump, he's Trump, whats with that hair? Wierd Al on politics"
"Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed."
"Did you hear the one about the two homosexual homeless men? Fucking bums"