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Joke of the Day
"If I was an enzyme, I would be DNA Helicase So I could unzip your genes."
Next Joke
"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"
"I sometimes think of Siri as my wife on account of her voice & how she's always misinterpreting what I'm actually f'ing saying."
"do you know the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? one less drunk"
"I'm going to wear a Seahawks jersey to my next exam so I know that i'll pass."
"A better world I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
"Look mom, no meds!"
"Man to wife: Business is bad, if YOU learn TO cook we can remove servant. Wife: If YOU learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..."
"My Level of Maturity Changes Depending On Who I'm With"
"Did you hear about that hole in the wall of the strip club? The police are looking into it."