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Joke of the Day

"Just met a guy.Omg he was so fit! Just met a guy.Omg he was so fit. Handsome even. Never will I met a guy like him again. Caring. Emotional. Nice. And his name was the first letter of each sentence"

"Guys, don't let this headphones thing mislead you, women that aren't wearing them probably don't want to talk to you either"

"Girlfriend gone and no Internet. Just jerked off to Halo menu screen music."

"Son: Can you teach me about fractions? Me: Sure. I love 2/3 of my children."

"If I ever wave back at someone who wasn't waving at me, I just leave my hand up in the air, hail a cab and tell him to drive me off a cliff"

"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's."

"I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking."

"How do you make Peppermint Creme? Finger it really well."

"all pants are breakaway pants if you're angry enough"

"I didn't think that pigs could fly... But then I found out that Donald Trump had a private jet."