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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I use words that I don't even understand myself. I think, it makes me look more photosynthetic."

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender."

"Please spread my ashes over the breakroom at work. That way Sherry from accounting can bitch about cleaning up my messes forever."

"MISSED CONNECTION: I was the customer. You were the cable guy. You said you'd be here by 5 but you never came you piece of shit I'm gonna fi"

"What do you call people with big ears? Nothing, they might hear you"

"I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam you cant jelly yo dick in a bitch's ass"

"TIL there's a subreddit dedicated to all the times an OP doesn't deliver Link in the comments"

"At this point in my life if I drop something and can't pick it up with my foot or via one of my kids, it's staying on the floor."

"Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death...... ;-)"