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Joke of the Day

"I just gave a woman $700 to put her screaming baby in the overhead compartment on this plane."

"Why are you walking away when we're in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! At least give me your number!'"

"I am not an accident waiting to happen. I am an accident. Happening."

"Why should you never rendezvous with a pack of wolves? Because they are *meet eaters!*"

"TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty."

"Ghost hunters use special cameras made specifically for taking soulfies."

"Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED! Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear Fox: you mean... the tooth is out there?"

"Why did the spy steal the laptop? It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'."

"Hilary Clinton will make the best president She will save us 25% in salary right from the start."

"What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg"