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Joke of the Day

"me: God? God: yes my child me: I need help- God: ask and thou shall receive me: -moving into my new apt God: me: God: me: hello?"

"A little boy skips school... Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!!"" Little Boy: ""No you go hide because I told her you were dead!"""

"A naked man covered head to toe in saran wrap goes to see a psychologist. He says, ""Doc, something's wrong. I think I'm going crazy!"" The psychologist replies, ""Well I can clearly see your nuts."""

"Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse...... horses are hung like Chuck Norris."

"When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening."

"My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling ""He doesn't even buy bread."""

"My vacuum cleaner is so good it collects dust even when I don't use it."

"I met a girl named ""JKMNO"" today when I mispronounced her name. I asked her proper pronunciation... Her name was ""No L"""

"Reading a book about anti-gravity... and its impossible to put down"

"People drive too slow in the fog... I'm just over here not hitting anything. Not even my brakes."