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Joke of the Day

"I'm the perfect man if you don't factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being."

"*Morgan Freeman time travels back to 1810* Morgan Slaveman"

"I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!"

"I made a chicken salad today. Cheeky bastard didn't even eat it."

"I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like ""good luck guys"" and walked away. I'd be a great mother."

"What do iPhone 7 and the lastest trailer Pirates of the Carribean 5 have in common? They have no Jack."

"Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!"

"I just love that new Pope smell."

"I walked into a store with a white shirt and blue Jeans and the cashier said... Welcome to our store, let us know when you **Need** anything. Xd"

"When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?' She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long"