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Joke of the Day

"So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, ""Why the long face?"" The horse replies, ""My wife is dying of terminal cancer."""

"Wife: I feel horrible; I look old, fat and completely unattractive. I really need you to pay me a compliment. Husband: Your eyesight and opinion is damn right."

"Doctor, how long do I have left to live? - Ten. - Ten what? - Nine."

"*holds seashell to ear* new shell who dis"

"What kind of bagel can fly? A plane bagel!"

"I just leave my autocorrects so people will think I'm really passionate about ducks."

"What's a female lizard's favorite song? ""Girls just iguana have fun""."

"What's Irish and sits by the pool? Paddy O'Furniture"

"My wife accused me of fogging up our bathroom mirror But I really can't see myself doing that."

"Yo Mama! What's the difference between your mama and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out!"