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Joke of the Day

"IT:have you deleted your cookies? Me:yea the chocolate ones. There may be some raisin ones left IT:is there somebody else I could talk to?"

"Me: I want cozy pajama pants for Christmas. Him: I was gonna get lingerie. Me: Trust me. VS won't have your size. Him: Me: *jazz hands*"

"I discovered that r/sexwithdogs exists other day and realised Reddit is going to the dogs"

"secret truth time: ive totally stayed in relationships longer than i shouldve bc i liked his pet more & felt bad leaving it with an asshole"

"Love is fun, but it's not going to pay the bills its a lol"

"The world's largest egg is laid by the Ostrich... And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad."

"How many dead babies can you fit in a phone booth? 78.5"

"The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen"

"This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said ""I didn't know Pink used her last name as well"" Now she's dead"

"*doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease ""Oh god what's The Cure?"" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought"