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Joke of the Day

"All my life, I've wanted to learn how to juggle... But I never had the balls to try"

"Whenever I see a teenager, I can't help thinking"" holy shit"" was I really THAT fucking stupid once?"

"My Korean friend died yesterday So Yung..."

"How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.... not screaming in terror, like his passengers."

"Do you know the difference between a fart and a pun? A pun is a shift of wit."

"Why did God invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn"

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish"

"Juliet: you know it's true love, when you finish each other's- Romeo: LIFE Juliet: [sighs all annoyed] like why do you say shit like that?"

"5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he'd suffocate'. I'm raising a problem solver you guys."