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Joke of the Day
"What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze? Cashew"
Next Joke
"Why are woman so happy in wedding photos? They know they've given their last blowjob."
"If I'm facing away from you during sex, assume I'm quietly enjoying a snack."
"goals for 2016: 1) spend more time with my son 2) learn about his fav video games 3) defeat him 4) become video game household champion"
"I wish my new best friend from Spain came with subtitles, because pittbull only taught me uno do tres cuatro..."
"It's scary living in Massachusetts... Every time I watch the news I hear about Mass shootings."
"If Hillary Clinton wins the election I am moving to Benghazi. At lest I know she will leave me alone there."
"[hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it"
"Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts ""I AM THOR! I AM THOR!"" His horse replies: ""That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"""
"I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me."