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Joke of the Day

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. [Credit Jack Handy, I believe]"

"Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school his teacher told him how he felt. I feel with my hands Miss !"

"Did you hear about the guy that could not afford personalized license plates? He changed his name to JLU 635."

"Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal."

"Independence Day was basically aliens blew shit up and then we gave them a copy of Windows and won the war."

"Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I'm really fun to talk to."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, Change has to come from WITHIN!"

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it."

"Why did hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill."

"""You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm."" I told the prostitute. ""That's not true,"" she replied, ""Of course it is,"" I laughed, ""What do you mean?"" She said, ""I'm a man."""