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Joke of the Day

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. [Credit Jack Handy, I believe]"

"Saw a guy masturbating on the bus today... Where does he get off?!? (credit to Hampton Yount)"

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? Becomes he only CUMS once a year"

"The Cheesecake Factory had a ""Help Wanted"" sign. I was really disappointed that it wasn't to help eat the cheesecake. #FluffyChickProblems"

"I slept like a baby last night 2 hours of sleep and a whole lot of crying"

"I polled a bunch of horses asking them if they wanted equal rights as humans. Oddly enough, they all said nay."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie ...one of the Turtles with Barbie head"

"I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they can charge me."

"My wife said she wants another baby and if I play my cards right, I can be the father."

"What is a mixture of Hulk and Captain America called? Star-Spangled Banner."