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Joke of the Day

"Dorito its life. I was eating doritos and my nouse started itching out of nowhere so i picked my nouse and now all i smell its doritos"

"The worst part of Thanksgiving is all of the leftovers... and having to heat them up every time I want to eat since I quit cold turkey."

"Have you seen www.smallearthquake.com? Yes its's no great shakes!"

"Congrats, you've been selected for the job Me: Whats the salary? 10k now and will increase to 25k later Me: Ok then, I will come later"

"Today, my girlfriend told me on the phone that we were breaking up. I went outside and the signal improved."

"Happy 2011! I can't wait for Internet Explorer 9."

"What type of movies can't batman see? Parental Guidance."

"Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh"

"acquaintances (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years"

"2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators."