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Joke of the Day

"We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!"

"A man entered a pun contest and submitted 10 puns, hoping at least one would win... No pun in ten did."

"Did you hear about the zombie that went vegan? He called his decision a no-brainer"

"What do you call a drunk dinosaur? Stagger-saurus."

"When I was a little kid, I would wait up all night waiting for santa to come. Then there was an awkward silence when he got up, put his pants on, and left."

"Just realized I've been misquoting George Orwell since 1985."

"2 peanuts were walking down a dark alley one was assaulted"

"Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn't have."

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Feminists can't change anything."