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Joke of the Day

"Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses."

"If you're havin AutoCorrect problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 parabolas bit s butch Saint omg."

"Somebody called me a free spirit today and my heart leapt as I turned back to my paperwork."

"Jesus was the original crossfit."

"[OC] I invented a word: plagiarism."

"Whenever someone says ""I don't have a horse in that race"" I respond with ""You don't have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes."""

"They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu"

"I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers."

"Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage."

"Him:Dude, I went on one of those police ride alongs with my friend..it was awesome! You ever done that? Me: In the front or back of the car?"