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Joke of the Day

"So a neutron walks into a bar... ...he goes up to the bartender and asks how much a drink is. The bartender replies saying: ""For you? No charge."""

"Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can't afford to eat for a month."

"What has 100 legs but can't walk? 50 pairs of pants."

"What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin? A life time ban at the zoo"

"How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef? He spent his day cutting up vegetables"

"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."

"A barber applied for a scholarship at the barber's academy He didn't make the cut"

"My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery? Me: What is that? 3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically)"

"Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can't hear you because I'm 240,000 miles away and sound doesn't travel in space. Die in a fire."

"What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan? ""I'm in, but I'm not decent."""