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Joke of the Day

"A Muslim walks into a bar He then walks out because he can't drink and there are no tight little boys to fuck"

"After we got the divorce she let me have everything. Except the jewelry, and of course something to keep it in. I call it ""the house"".."

"What do robots eat? A bit of this and a byte of that. Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i"

"Christmas song Single bells, Single bells. Single all the way. My crush said let's be friends. Friendzone all the way !!"

"Exercising when you get older is so important! My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 65. Now she's 92 and we don't know where the hell she is."

"what do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol? Tequila mockingbird."

"[Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around"

"I know I know So what do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions? A Crime Fighter!!!"

"I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry."

"you know when a kid calls their stepmom by their first name? we should weaponize that"