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Joke of the Day

"I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a ""ghost"" and end up as a ""drunk ghost that needs a ride home."""

"A brown bear and a polar bear fall into the water. Which one dissolves? The polar bear, because he's polar!"

"You know what a satisfied woman sounds like? I didn't think so."

"My manager at the millinery has a really short temper I mean he gets really angry at the drop of a hat!"

"Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats."

"You know what they say about amnesia... No, really. Do you know?"

"The only reason I'm on LinkedIn is to find employed dates for the weekends."

"When the machines finally take over, prepare yourself for Pope Prius the First."

"Why do trees shed their leaves in fall? Because they've had their chloro-fill."

"Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge."